Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
