It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
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