I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
