I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
