now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
