I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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