I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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