Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
