I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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