So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
