i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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