what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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