goodnight i made you a song goodbye
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
