my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
