nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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