So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
