Heybabeimwearingurpanties
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
