I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
