does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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