That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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