yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
