I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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