Pappa wants mamma naked
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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