im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
