Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize