I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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