Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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