the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
