Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
