So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
whose parrot is this?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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