i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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