A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you inspire me to be a worse person
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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