You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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