Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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