tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
