im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
