how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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