Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
