She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
