Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
