When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
