You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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