I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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