i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize