I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
