i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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