Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just high enough for therapy.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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