I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
