...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
