My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
