I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
