yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
