I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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