grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
