I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
