clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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