Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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