i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
