if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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