She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
