My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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