I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
