Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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