you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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