she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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