she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
