This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
