What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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