What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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