So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My hand turned me down
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
