I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Randomize
