i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
