Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
