Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
