You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
