Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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