i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
