My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
